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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Cat's In The Cradle

Merry Christmas to everyone!  I hope everyone had an excellent day :)

Nicky had the best Christmas ever, in his exact words.  He was especially excited about Mario Kart for his DSi and his Night at the Museum 2 DVD.  Night at the Museum 1 and 2 are two of his favorite movies, and so we watched the second one tonight.  He also got a few traditional little kid board games, Cootie (who hasn't played Cootie as a little one?), Ants in My Pants, and Monopoly Jr.  He is pretty good at Monopoly Jr., he beat me on his first try.  He even got confident enough to give me advice during the game on not using all my money to buy all the properties, haha.  That advice naturally turned into a six year old's version of gloating once I announced that I was out of money and he won.

I'm not exactly sure when Nicky grew up so much, but I really like being able to actually hang out with my son and understand him and get to know his personality and what he's like.  He's actually pretty funny and awesome...a lot like his mama :)

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Rave On

My birthday was this past Saturday.  I am officially 26...and looking at what I just wrote, who the hell in their right mind would want to be unofficially 26?  Perhaps a crazy person...yes, only a crazy person would want to go from 25 (which we all know is a whole 'nother ballgame) and pretend to be 26.  The only way I would do it is if there was a large monetary compensation, or something equally awesome.

Like, I don't know, maybe this badass pegasus.
I'd consider it then.


But seriously, I'm 26.  Four more years to 30.  Ouch.  I suppose 26 is a grand achievement.  If I lived in the 1600s, like in Jamestown or whatever, I'd have like ten years left in my life before I died a horrible death from cholera or smallpox.  I'd have 54516561 kids by now, all named after virtues and kings and whatever, married to a guy named James Blacksmitherson and living in a leaky shack shittily constructed out of logs and mud and no windows.  I'd be all about sewing and hanging out with my equally fabulous friends, Rebecca and Prudence.  We'd have the best gray bonnets in the entire village.  The bitches would be jealous.

Oh yes.  They would be jealous.

But anyway.  Christmas is coming.  Tres exciting, no?  I am proud to announce that I finished my shopping for Nicky an entire week ahead of schedule.  I usually am rushing around on the 23rd, hating myself for waiting until the last minute.  This year, I finished on the 16th.  I think that warrants a high five...so I totally just gave myself one.  (I usually do this so that I am not left hanging, by well, myself.  Denying someone a high five is such an asshole move, and I am not an asshole.)  Perhaps this early shoppage is a part of turning 26?  Perhaps.

Or I just remembered to do it early this year. 

Thursday, September 22, 2011

A Falling Through

This makes me sad.

The state of Georgia executed a man tonight who most likely was innocent of the crime he was convicted, yet the biggest topic on my Facebook news feed is the new layout.  In my opinion Troy Davis outweighs Facebook's new layout any day.

There was so much outrage on the social network when Casey Anthony was acquitted of murdering her two year old daughter based solely on reasonable doubt, yet we all knew she was guilty.  Anyone familiar with the basics of Davis' case knows that his entire case was riddled with reasonable doubt, much like Anthony's--no murder weapon was ever found, seven of the nine witnesses who testified against Davis recanted or changed parts or all of their testimony and claimed that they were coerced under duress, it is believed that another one of the witnesses was the actual murderer...and yet, Davis was found guilty of murder, and ultimately executed at 10:53 pm.  Where is the outrage now?  Where is the anger over the judicial system now?

It appears that any anger on my Facebook news feed is directed at the new layout, which seems to have pissed off plenty of people, excluding yours truly.  I don't have any issues with it.  I can still do what I go on to the site to do, and if I couldn't, well...I'd figure it out, like the last time Mark Zuckerberg changed things up.  Change happens.  Updates occur.  Big deal. You adapt and move on...because you know in a few months or a year, Facebook will change things up again.

But Troy Davis will never take another breath.  Troy Davis will never get to prove his innocence.  Troy Davis may have been wrongly executed while the real killer, believed to be Sylvester "Redd" Coles, spends the rest of his life a free man because the state of Georgia will never investigate that trail and openly admit that they may have killed the wrong person.  And the MacPhail family may never really know who killed Mark MacPhail that night at Burger King in 1989.  We may never know if Troy Davis was the one who pulled the trigger.

And that, to me at least, is more frustrating than the way my news feed shows up when I log in on Facebook.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Honey Bee

Another wonderful moment with Nicky (taken at the zoo, edited by Instagram):





Sunday, September 18, 2011

White Daisy Passing

I somehow unexpectedly wound up on a two month hiatus. To all my loyal readers and friends, I am so sorry.

It's like they say: When it rains, it pours. And it was getting to be where I needed to carry a metaphorical umbrella at all times :\

One of my co-workers fell from a moving vehicle and shattered the back of his skull in the end of July and roughly two weeks or so later a good friend of mine fell off his ATV and had it flip over onto him and crush his mid-section. Thankfully and very miraculously they are both recovering. My friend even found out he will be a first-time father in April of 2012. Needless to say my mind has been preoccupied with those tragedies and with getting Nicky ready for school (he started first grade nearly a month ago). I also started class again, I'm taking a physical anthropology class online through my local community college, and I'm also trying to mentally prepare myself for my best friend's spontaneously unexpected move halfway across the country to Colorado Springs in about three weeks. I've had a lot to deal with in the past month and a half and juggle with the already hectic craziness of my everyday life. I'm getting back into the swing of blogging things and am going to try to post at least once or twice a week. My sporadic posts are not fair to you all, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

If I go this long without posting again, feel free to email me (lala1217@yahoo.com) and encourage me to post something :)

<3 you guys,
Lashawn

Monday, July 18, 2011

Ooh La La

I.
Am.
Melting.

Ugh, it is so hot. Like ridiculously muggy and sticky and the kind of hot where sweat pools in the crevices of your skin and you can just feel the sweat dripping down the small of your back kind of hot. July and August are two of my least favorite months of the year. I'm not exactly a fan of the heat, especially with the added delight that my dad won't get AC because "he grew up before they had invented it and he was fine". Well...that was 1940s-50s Tennessee. This is 2011. Blah.

I am actually looking forward to December and January when it is cold and snowy and I can walk around without feeling like I am gonna pass out from the heat. It'd also be pretty wonderful to wear my hair down without it being a soggy, frizzy 'fro. I'd also like to wear makeup without it melting or have my skin break out from the heat. I'm not big on summer. I never have. Give me the other seasons, preferably spring and fall, and I'll be content.

We are supposed to have four more 90+ degree days this week (we got to 90 today and set a new record high temperature), and then it's supposed to be in the low 80s until it inevitably gets disgustingly hot again.

Come on, late September...

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Tinker Toys

Real life conversation that just happened:

(Quick backstory: Nicky is telling me how old his cousins are and how he doesn't want to grow up.)

Me: Nicky, how old are you?
Nicky: I'm six.
Me: And how old am I?
Nicky: Um, probably around a thousand.
Me: What?!?!?
Nicky: Oh, I mean twenty-five.

I hope you all had a great Fourth of July!!!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Battery Kinzie

Ugh. I have a summer cold.

I've been a bit of a blogging slacker. My laptop battery is on the fritz, so I can only be on it for like ten to fifteen minutes before it loses its charge and craps out on me--and my charger is cheap and lame, so when it gets overheated it shuts off so that my house doesn't go down in flames. I thought I was being economical and wise when I ordered it from Amazon. My laptop is a HP of dreams, but the stupid charger died after six months of usage--when I went to the HP site to scope out a replacement, I saw most people bitched about the lifespans of their awesome computers' shitty chargers, and decided that I couldn't justify spending like eighty bucks on a shitastic charger every six to eight months or so. So I wandered down the information superhighway down to Amazon and perused the aisles of technological goods until I found a pretty kickass generic charger for twenty-five bucks. It does the job, but the little box on the charger gets hot and then it cuts off so that it doesn't overheat and melt. All was well until my laptop battery decided to retire after a little over a year...after the factory's one year warranty is up.

Damn you technology.

I ordered a new battery and am currently waiting on the right one to come in, seeing as I accidentally ordered one with the wrong parameters. I can write little crap entries off my phone but I don't want to use up all of my data plan. AT&T is awesome, but my iPhone makes my phone bill pretty scary.

I'll post more later, this is just a I'm-still-alive kind of post. I'll go more into depth later...

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Friends, Lovers or Nothing

she sits--
amidst the rumpled bedclothes--
she sits
and waits

her hair a jumbled brown tangle
roughed up from the friction--
from the sheets and his skin and his hands--
her cheeks slightly rosy,
complexion dewy, that perfect blend of porcelain and flush

she sits--
her pale hands nervous,
her delicate fingers with the nails painted plum--picking anxiously,
anxiously at the sheets,
twisting themselves in the 600 count cotton--
she sits
and waits

the door creaks--
she bites her lips,
her pulse thudding loudly in her ears,
she strains for a reassuring glimpse of his shadow--
and sees it in the doorway
she breathes a sigh of relief

he enters the room,
and as always, she is amazed--
how could someone, so perfect, so beautiful,
how could someone as marvelous as him
see something so marvelous in someone like her--
she marvels in the absurdity

tall, strong, masculine, blonde
she allows herself one hedonistic moment
one selfish moment to just stare shamelessly and drink him in--
her turquoise eyes meet his, and she feels a splash of warmth across her cheeks
the smoldering intensity behind those ocean eyes makes her heart race

this isn't love--it can't be,
she insists
purely lust, unrestrained and running wild and free
and yet, what else could it be?
how else could she even begin to explain how he seemed to occupy so much of her mind?

she sits--
amidst the rumpled bedclothes,
aching, yearning,
she sits
and chides herself as nothing more than a fool
she sits, and she waits--

he sits then, on the edge of the bed,
flashes her one of his trademarked smiles--
crooked and boyish
playful, yet purely seductive
maddening yet utterly heart stuttering--
leans towards her, and envelops her in a crushing hug
she closes her eyes, and much like an addict, breathes him in

he lets go, without the words she longs to hear
reaching down to the floor to pick up his jeans
and he puts them on, making some joke about something trivial, insignificant--
and she laughs, though her heart falls to the floor

she quickly dresses, folding up her feelings deep inside herself
while he steps outside to have a smoke
and as the door closes, she lets her head fall into her hands
and allows herself one controlled moment to break into a trillion jagged little pieces--
before he comes back and she has to exude cool indifference

she sits--
on the edge of his king sized bed,
her legs tangled in the tumult of sheets,
she sits, she waits,
but for what...in that briefest flicker of moments,
she isn't quite sure--

--"friends with benefits", 05/25/2011.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Dickhead

So I really think Blogger is fucking with me.  I could have sworn I had a new comment (and follower) when I was on here yesterday, and now the comment and follower is gone.  What the hell, Blogger.

It's 1:52 am Friday night.  I am currently laying in bed composing this entry on my iPhone and wishing I was asleep, seeing as I have to get up in about five hours for my ten-hour workday tomorrow.  Why am I up?  The people who live upstairs in the duplex next door got a brand new puppy I think today and they have it on their front porch and it has been crying for the past hour.  It is this loud, high pitched yipping that will go on for ten to fifteen minutes straight, stop just long enough for me to start nodding off, and then start back up.

Is it wrong for me to want to throw something at said puppy?  It added howling into the repertoire, and I'm exhausted.  I want to go next door and punch the stupid wannabe gangsta chick that lives there in the face.  It's bad enough she'll roll in from the bar at like three-thirty in the morning with the bass blasting and Gucci Mane personally waking me up with his latest little ditty about money, cash, and hoes (high fives to anyone who caught the Jay-Z reference).  Ugh ugh ugh.  I wish I didn't have a job so that I could fill all my time with being a badass bitch.  Really, it must be nice.

Well, Señor Puppy must have cried himself to sleep because I haven't heard him in five minutes.  I'm going to try to go to sleep now, darlings.  Good night.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Meet You There

So...X Factor was a bust, but whatever.  I got to go to Chicago and have a blast!  I'll share the sordid details later, but for now I'll share my trip in pictures:
In the Escape before hitting the road!
Rain rain rain in Cleveland :(

Fuck you Mobil Gas!

Freezing in Indiana.

Yay, Chicago at last!!!

Looking fabulous in line for X Factor registration.

All registered and ready to hit the city :)

Sharing a good laugh with Bob Newhart.

A tender moment with the sculpted children of Chicago.

She totally started it.  You didn't see what she did to get this kick.

The obligatory self-portrait in the reflection of the Bean.

Cloud Gate, aka The Bean.  A stop in our exploration of Millennium Park.

A really good shot of the skyline in Downtown Chicago.

All dolled up for the auditions!  I looked good before the 2.5 hour wait in the cold rain :(

Patiently waiting.

Some of the line on audition day.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Float On

I like making lists, it's a good way to summarize the thoughts in my head without writing an entire novel in one blog post.  So...

*I woke up this morning with a headache.  I think it's from falling asleep with my super heavy and super thick hair pulled tightly up at the top of my head.  I popped two Excedrin and took my hair down...

*BUT...I realized that the argan oil that I put in my hair could very well be causing the nasty outbreak of acne I've been getting along my jawline and my lower cheeks and hairline.  So I pulled my hair back.

*However, the argan oil makes my stupid hair behave, so I'm trying to find a brand that I could use that won't break me out.  I heard Josie Maran makes a good oil.  For now I'm just putting the oil at the ends and hopefully I won't break out anymore.

*The Floridian Flasher struck again last night.  I was kind of like "wow, why would you send me a picture of your junk two months after the last picture you sent of your junk...especially after I completely ignored you and blocked you on Facebook?"  I guess that's some serious desperation, hahaha.

*Happy Easter, if Christianity is your cup of tea.  I drink from the mug of Catholicism--it tastes kinda like some really strong espresso, with quite a kick.

*I leave for Chicago in about 22 hours.  I audition for X Factor in less than four days.  Very excited.  Starting to get nervous.  There's something pretty intimidating about Simon Cowell.

*I was suspended three days this week from work.  I can't really go into it since I'm still working there, but I'll tell you that I didn't do anything wrong.  Perhaps I can go into it soon.  Just cross your fingers for me and perhaps I'll have an entirely new chapter to tell.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Closing Time

Hey darlings, it's time for Thirsty Thursday over at For The Love Of Blogs, so I will share a delicious drink recipe with y'all...Enjoy!!!



A Piece of Ass (taken from drinksmixer.com)

1 shot almond amaretto liqueur
1 shot Southern Comfort peach liqueur
Sweet and sour mix

Pour liqueurs over ice in a glass.  Fill with sweet and sour mix and serve.


I'd like to thank all of you that stopped by from FTLOB!  Hugs and kisses to you lovelies, and please feel free to check out my other posts.  If you like, comment, and if you lurrrrve, please follow!  Also feel free to "like" my Facebook page...And if you show me love, I'll gladly return the favor.


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

People Watching

I am kind of cheating, so I'll give you a full entry later on today.  I was going through my videos on my computer a few minutes ago, and I found this delightful little gem that I'll share with you guys at the end of this post.  I think Nicky was about four or so, he might have been five already, this is from around this time last year.  I think it's pretty cute, so enjoy my adorable little bunny:

Friday, April 1, 2011

Sunsets & Car Crashes

Ah...Today calls for a good old fashioned playlist.  Take a listen to the playlist, and I'm always open to new music, so feel free to post a song or band/artist you think I should check out in the comments section below! 

The Thank Goodness It's April (And Friday) Playlist:



Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

1. "Pretty Bird", Jenny Lewis, (Acid Tongue)
2. "Assassin", John Mayer, (Battle Studies)
3. "The High Road", Broken Bells, (Broken Bells)
4. "Blue Blood Blues", The Dead Weather, (Sea of Cowards)
5. "Hard To Explain", The Strokes, (Is This It)
6. "1901", Phoenix, (Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix)
7. "On The Radio", Regina Spektor, (Begin to Hope)
8. "Mouthwash", Kate Nash, (Made of Bricks)
9. "Come Round Soon", Sara Bareilles, (Little Voice)
10. "22", Lily Allen, (It's Not Me, It's You)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Know Your Onion!

So I stumbled upon a delightful new blog, thanks to my Yahoo homepage.  It's called Bent Objects, and it's the hilarious and pretty imaginative art of this photographer/artist named Terry Border.  I'll share a few of his funny photos with you guys, and you should totally check out his blog!

(Some Gentlemen Prefer Blondes...Others Prefer Cupcakes, hahaha.)


(What a Jerk!!!  He kinda looks like Justin Guarini from Season One of American Idol, hahaha!!)


(Personality and Confidence Can Only Get You So Far, haha!!!)


(Damn It, Well There Goes The Neighborhood!)

Friday, March 25, 2011

Un-thinkable (I'm Ready)

So...oh my God.  Mon friggin' Dieu. 

My friend Steph signed me up for the X Factor auditions in Chicago at the end of April.  I'm excited.  And nervous.  And excited.  But mostly nervous.  I get stage fright, and I haven't really sang in front of a large group since high school, which was seven years ago (...fuck!  Hahaha.).  I do, however, don't feel too bad about the stage fright thing, because I once read that Sheryl Crow gets stage fright, and I love Sheryl Crow.  It's good to know that huge superstars get nervous too.

I think I'm going to go with "Low Road" by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals as my initial audition song.  I love it, and it shows off my voice very well.  I'm gonna have to play around with it in the upcoming weeks to make it my own and to really make the judges (especially if I make it to Simon...eeeee!!!) be like "Who is this girl and why isn't she a star?"  I'm not gonna lie, this has been a lifelong dream of mine, and life always gets in the way.  I'm putting my foot down this time and I'm going to make this dream a reality. 

Wish me luck, and I'll keep you all posted!








Thursday, March 24, 2011

Call Me When You're Sober

It's Thirsty Thursday at For The Love Of Blogs, and I've decided to share a yummy-sounding recipe that I think I'm going to request on my next girls night out.  It's an adult twist on the standard kid's fare, peanut butter and jelly.  What's it called?  Peanut Butter and Jelly.  Credit goes to the amazing website, Drinks Mixer!

Peanut Butter and Jelly Shot

1 oz. Frangelico hazelnut liqueur
1 oz. black raspberry liqueur

Pour ingredients into a stainless steel shaker over ice, and shake until completely cold. Strain into an old-fashioned glass, and serve.



Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Business Time

(Gratuitous Plug of the Month)

My wonderful best friend DeLaina has started her own craft business, Oh Crafts!  Bows & More, and you should definitely check it out if you are A.) a girl, B.) know a girl, C.) have a daughter/stepdaughter/niece/goddaughter, or D.) like wearing bows (hey, whatever makes you happy, haha).  The stuff is cute and the prices are reasonable.  D also makes stuff upon request, and she is more than willing to personalize her wares for you or any of the little girls in your life!

Here's pictures of the awesome flower bow (she calls it the "Here Comes The Sun" flower bow) she made for adults, modelled by her beautiful and fabulous sister Destinie:



She also makes adorable little bows and flowers for little ones, and she's expanding to headbands and perhaps earrings and key chains.  Stop on by her Facebook page, and if you want, Like it...And if you really like it, buy some of the awesomeness she has for sale!!!

You Don't Have To Be A Prostitute

Hahahaha...Love Flight of the Conchords.



In other news, I'm battling my Girl Scout cookie habit.  It's an addiction.  I bought six boxes of Tagalongs from Mac the service manager's granddaughters, and I received the tiny crunchy medallions of chocolatey peanut buttery goodness on Saturday.  I already ate two boxes, and opened another tonight.  I will most likely eat the rest of the third box tonight while watching The Nanny.  I will most likely hit rock bottom when I run out...which will most likely be some time next week.  Hahaha.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Short Skirt/Long Jacket

Awesome Real Life Moment #1546512:

"And btw I am currently sitting across from a crazy drunk guy on the bus, lol.  He's wearing badass old aviators and he's got crazy hair combed back greaser style and he's lounging in his seat with an Elvis kind of smirk on his drunk face.  Classic."
(Taken from a text I sent Sunday, March 13, 2011 @ 6:00 pm)


It's 2:22 am, and I should be in bed, but let's be honest.  I'm never in bed at 2:22 am unless I have to get up at the asscrack of dawn.  Mornings are like breakup sex--they should be avoided at all costs.  I loathe and detest mornings.  Sure, they're great in theory, I'll admit that, but in practice?  No.  I can live with waking up around noon.

But I digress.  I'm not really in a funny blogging mood this week.  To be honest, Japan and work has got me down.  I can't really blog about work because you never know who might be reading my blog, but I will say that this daily tension-headache-that-morphs-into-a-terrible-migraine shit needs to stop.  One can only pop so many Excedrin in a day without overdosing and foaming at the mouth at her desk.  I'm not a rockstar yet.  I think I might try yoga or something to relax.  I also need to make time for Bessie Washington.  I'm up all damn night but I can't exactly practice Bessie at 2:22 am or my mom and dad would kill me.

And Japan?  God, everything about this past week in Japan is depressing.  Makes me want to cry.  Seriously.  I hope that we have learned that when it comes to us versus nature, nature always inevitably wins.  Technology is a moot point when it comes to the raw strength of natural disaster.  I admire the people of Japan and their ability to mainain a quiet dignity in the face of this ever-growing chaos.  My thoughts and prayers go out to the entire nation and the families affected by this tragedy.

In other news, Nicky lost one of his front teeth yesterday.  I will share a picture:



He got one dollar from the Tooth Fairy for that.  I'm at work today and my mom calls me.  Nicky lost his other front tooth today when he got home from school.  I'll post a picture of that later on.  He looks adorable.  Score one more dollar for the Nickster from the Tooth Fairy.  If he keeps this tooth losing business up, he's going to bankrupt Mom...I mean, the Tooth Fairy.  Hahaha.


Friday, March 11, 2011

The Beat Goes On

Just thought I'd share this song with you.  I'm completely in love with it right now...and Adele's voice is amazing!  Go ahead and take a listen to "Set Fire to the Rain" (taken from her new album, 21).



Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

Meanwhile, Rick James...

(Nicky in his Nagys uniform during a tee ball game, June 2010)

So, tee ball sign-ups are this month, and I am in a bit of a philosophical pickle.

Nicky played tee ball last summer on the Nagys, and he loved the team and his coach, Mike.  I was a little unhappy with the way the team practiced, but I eventually warmed up to the idea that these were just four, five, and six year olds who were just learning the basics of the fine art of baseball.  They weren't learning to be the next A-Rod or Grady Sizemore.  They were learning to hit a ball off a tee and run to first base and not third.  I was more than psyched for this season, especially since I was keeping him on the Nagys and with Coach Mike.  Mike really had a way with the kids.  They loved him and they listened, and us parents loved him because he was patient and made practice fun.

All was well until February 10th.  Mike died suddenly of pneumonia.  It caught us all completely off guard.  He was only 30, and he didn't seem sickly or weak.  Nicky had never really been exposed to death before, and I was a little unsure as to how to tell him.  My mom and I sat him down and explained that Coach Mike had been very very sick and that he had died...I told him that he was coaching all the little angel kids in heaven.  He seemed to get it, and even now he's like "Mommy, Coach Mike is in heaven.  He died."  I was honestly surprised that a five year old could grasp the finality of death.  Part of me is still waiting for him to ask me where Mike is when the season starts.

The inevitable question of who is going to take over the coaching postition quickly takes the forefront.  Zach, Mike's nephew of indeterminable age (I think he's like 20 or 21, tops.) and even more indeterminable maturity offers to take Mike's place.  Zach was the one the kids would play with when they were supposed to be listening to Mike.  He was also completely useless when it came to getting the kids to calm down.  None of the kids took him seriously.  I thought he was a big goofball, very immature and nerdy, but not in the cool nerdy way.  He was more of the obnoxious and dumb nerdy way.  He got on my nerves.  I thought he was pretty harmless...Until he got all weird via Facebook messages when I was laid up in bed with severe tonsillitis last Thanksgiving.  He went from being concerned about me being unable to swallow to being a bit of a creeper that kept messaging me and getting weirder with each message.  I blocked him because I didn't need a puppy dog kind of kid hanging around me with a crush.  I know that sounds mean, and maybe it was, but I didn't want him to get the wrong message.  He was the assistant assistant coach of my son's tee ball team, not to mention he was kind of like a big kid himself.  No sir.

Honestly, I don't want Zach coaching my son.  He is not going to be able to control all those kids, and Nicky goes up to softball next summer (2012).  He needs to learn the basics from someone who is serious about being a coach.  I also, however, don't want to look like a gigantic bitch, especially since this kid took on the mantle of coach in lieu of his dead uncle.  I think I am going to transfer him to another team.  Nicky is okay with it--one of the perks, I guess, of being six and being resilliant.  Why the hell do I feel so bad about it when he's just like whatever?  I need to suck it up and be more like Nick.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Free Fallin'

I recently acquired a guitar (Friday), thinking that since I am of the musical sort I should procure a guitar and learn to play. You know, cultivate my talent and all that good crap. Well...I'm not gonna lie to you. It's been like four days and I really suck. I'm not sure if it's my lack of guitar knowledge or if the whole strings/chords/numbers/letters thing intimidates me, but...I'm no John Mayer, let me tell you.

I haven't had time to go purchase a guitar manual, so I purchased a fine app off iTunes called Guitar Basics for Dummies, and I'm going to tell you I learned quite a bit about guitar playing. In theory. In practice...well...let's just say I have a bit of work cut out for me. I think that with proper, uninterrupted (that means you, Nicky and Mom) practice I might be able to summit and conquer Guitar Mountain. Maybe.

I'm thinking that maybe a guitar is like a puppy. You have to get it to trust you and then assert your dominance. Well, I'm asserting myself right now. I'm the Alpha, bitch. I totally own you, guitar. Yes. I also decided that I should name said guitar, because that will make it a lot more interesting and meaningful when I get mad at it and insult its guitarhood. I named my guitar Bessie Washington. I think it fits my guitar very well.

Along with the proper guitar holding technique and learning to fret and becoming intimidated by the juxtaposition of major and minor signs and numbers and letters and chords, I've learned another important thing about myself: my fingers are little sissy bitches. Seriously. I can only play for a little while before my fingers get sore and I have to stop because I have the impressions on my fingertips from where the strings cut into my fingers. I need to figure out how to speed up the callus forming process.

I honestly can't wait to be able to play a song, and I feel like Bessie Washington and myself are about to embark on a hilarious musical journey of pain, anguish, joy, frustration, anger, and that inevitable Helen Keller aha moment where it'll all come together and I'll attain guitar enlightenment.

And the first real song I hope to play, after I get comfortable with everything? "Free Fallin'", John Mayer style. Go look up his version on YouTube and you'll be like "wow, that John Mayer is a douche, but lord can he play the guitar."
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Monday, March 7, 2011

Girl Inform Me

Welcome to the 100th episode of Butterflies and Hurricanes

It's been quite a ride. 

I've currently acquired a creeper/stalker, I think.  I will share with you the message I got on Facebook last night from the Floridian Flasher.

March 6 at 8:40pm

Yo what's your deal ? I know u got my texts
 
Actually I did not get your texts because I blocked your number. 
 
Jesussss.  What a creeper.  Most people would have gotten the hint and rode off into the sunset.
 
(Here's to the next 100 posts being as crazy as these!)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Dirty Picture

Wow.

That's all I can say. That and I was pretty much eye raped like two hours ago. Haha, what happened, you may ask? Well friends, sit down and let me tell you a tale of complete WTF-ness and hilarity and complete creeperdom.

I was sitting there, reading an article on my MSNBC app on my iPhone. I was just scrolling through a highly informative and educational article about what is going on at the present moment in Libya (Very sad, indeed. My thoughts and prayers go out to the protesters and the people of Libya, all joking aside.), and my phone squawks at me and a picture message alert pops up. To anyone who has an iPhone, you know that the window that pops up is basically just the picture in a smaller form. I jump in surprise at the unexpected noise, and take a moment to look at the image and when I do, I'm just kind of disgusted and slightly amused.

This guy I'd been talking to before his traits of obvious creeperness had kicked in, had gotten this brilliant idea to send me a picture of him and his penis. Umm...okay. I had planned to meet up with this guy, a fairly normal individual who I knew back in the days of yore, aka high school, when he came back to Cleveland in the summer and hook up. Looking back, he had a thing with showing girls his junk back then too because I totally just remembered him doing that to me once when we were 17. Huh. Funny how I'd forgotten about that.

But anyway. I had made plans to hook up with him like three years ago, but I'd started seeing my Faux Ford Gangsta and I wanted to see where it might go. I didn't even give Señor Flasher a second thought, and three years go by. Well last Tuesday he sends me an IM on Facebook out of nowhere and we start talking and eventually texting. We get back on the topic of hooking up and I'm like yeah, sure, I'm down. All of a sudden he starts pestering me to send him naked pictures of myself, like constantly over the course of the two days we had been texting. I keep changing the subject, because I'd sent him a picture three years ago of myself and I'd made myself physically sick with worry after I'd done it.

During this entire time I start getting this queasy butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling, like something is seriously off. I finally tell him no, because I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of sending him any pictures like that. It'd be different if we were dating--we'd just started conversing for the first time in three years, and one of the first things he asked me was if my phone had video chat. Call me crazy since my warning bells went off. Well, after I tell him no, he kinda gets all pissy and throws a tantrum. His reaction makes me think that there was more to those pics than him just wanting to see me naked. He seriously gets mad at me, like I want him to beg me for the pictures or something. Nope, I don't want you to beg because I'm not taking any pictures. He was so petulant it was ridiculous. I briefly thought of a toddler not getting his way. He even sent me an indignant "Thanks" the next day, as if to try to guilt me into changing my mind.

I decided to block him from my Facebook page and consequently blocked his number from my phone. At first I wondered if I was overreacting, but I decided that most guys would not have reacted the way he did to my "no". I figured he'd be like "okay, that's cool, I completely understand"...it made me wonder how he'd react to no in other situations. It was quiet until tonight...I have to laugh at the picture message, though. It's kind of funny in a ridiculous sort of way.

He obviously figured out I blocked him, since I'm sure he tried to text me and can't see me on Facebook. It's just ridiculous that he thinks sending me a picture of his penis is going to make me want to unblock him. I'm sorry, I'm not going to forget the way he acted simply because he sent me a picture of his junk. How about sending me a picture of an apology--and I'm not accepting a naked body shot as an apology. That's like sending someone an apology card with a picture of some chick's vag on it.

Perhaps I'm overreacting, perhaps I'm not. All I know is that I deleted the picture (thank God he didn't send it when Nicky was playing Angry Birds...I think I would have unblocked him and cussed his ass out if that had happened), and I'm ignoring him until further notice. I have a little more self-respect than that, thank you. BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Born This Way

A few things I've learned over the years:

*Height is like turning eighteen--it's completely overrated.

*You may one day realize that you may be best friends with a person, but that person isn't best friends with you.

*You inevitably will spend an undetermined amount of time loving a person who most likely doesn't love you back.

*You may think that a guy likes you for your brains and personality, but he really likes you for your boobs and butt.

*Beauty is like wine--it gets better with age.

*Friends with benefits is kind of like politics--good in theory, terrible in practice.

*Life is too short and what hurts today might not even be worth lamenting over tomorrow. There's always more books to read, boys to kiss, people to love, funny moments to laugh about, songs to sing...because that's the real beauty of life. It always goes on.

*It doesn't matter what you've accomplished or what you've acquired in your short span on Earth, because in the end, we are all going.

*Laughter might really be the best medicine.

*Your true best friend may live hundreds or thousands of miles away, but they're always there for you no matter what. Distance means nothing. BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

Friday, February 25, 2011

Symphonies

Take a listen.  Hope you enjoy my cover of Grace Potter & The Nocturnals' song, "Low Road".

video

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Tiny Light

I'm lying here in bed
It's nearly three in the morning
And of course I'm thinking about you
Of course

I'm wondering if you're really going to do
What you said you were gonna do
If you don't get your way
And if
If I really should care

Of course we both know the answer
Yes
Of course

And I'm wondering why I care so much
Why I care so much about you
Why my heart worries so much
About you
It's funny, I suppose

Why I can barely stand the thought
Of an everyday without you
It's ridiculous, of course
Why should I care
We're both adults, free to do as we choose
Ridiculous to miss you
Of course

And yet
I'm lying here
Quietly hoping that you don't go
Because I need you to stay, of course
I've gotten so used to you
That must be it, my brain insists
You're my very own daily routine
That's why I want you to stay

Of course we both really know the answer
I need you, we both know
Of course

--"Wild Hope", 01/17/2011. BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

Friday, January 7, 2011

Dirt Off Your Shoulder

Yesterday I took the plunge.

No, I didn't get married. I didn't even dive into the deep end of a pool (if I did such a thing I would probably die, since I just so happen to not know how to swim--I'm adding that to my list of bullshit broken promises...I mean "resolutions"). No...I started my diet/exercise/it's-not-a-diet-it's-a-life-plan debacle of 2011. I'm feeling pretty good so far, surprisingly. No debilitating muscle spasms or soreness. I'm known for being too overzealous and idiotic and not being able to walk for like three days after I do lunges. I'm kinda thinking I might be able to stick to it longer than two weeks, which would be the stuff of legends. I expect an epic ballad of medieval proportions...kinda like Beowulf, but minus the slaying of Grendel and hanging with guys named Hrothgar. Although it'd be kind of cool to be friends with a guy named Hrothgar.

I took my obligatory Jennie Craig style "Before" pictures, and um...all I can say is WOW. Nothing puts your debauchery and love of cake and superfluous gourmet grilled cheese in perspective like four simple shots of front, back, ass, and side. I immediately regretted my bacchanal at Olive Garden the night before. I think I found out where all that pasta goodness went after all: right to the cellulite that decided to unpack itself on the backs of my thighs. Sweeeet.

I'm hoping to lose twentyish pounds by the end of May or mid-June. Baby steps. I think I'd like to run in a half-marathon in the Fall, though I'd have to train and bribe my legs not to mutiny and fall off.

Besides, I think I should be in prime shape for my never-ending adventures and constant shenanigans with Nicky. Who needs Jillian Michaels when you have an impatient and seemingly eternally hyper five year old boy? I'm destined for greatness. Wish me luck :) BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Like a G6

Happy New Year my wonderful beautiful fabulous readers!!! I hope 2011 brings you joy and brings you closer to fulfilling your wildest dreams.

I can't believe how quickly 2010 went by. I must say that it was a good year, and if it were wine it'd have been sweet, with floral notes and hints of sparkling citrus. I'd buy a bottle of L. Diddy wine circa 2010.

I've taken to calling myself L. Diddy. I think it's catchy and sounds good when I talk about myself in the third person, which I do a lot more now since I have a cool nickname for myself. I made a list of obligatory resolutions, which I hope to try to keep.

Let's do this.

L. Diddy's List of Obligatory New Years Resolutions, 2011 Edition

*Lose 10-20 pounds
*Embrace exercise (and not the bomb)
*Get more sleep
*Go to bed before 3 am...let's aim for 11 pm
*Make more time for Mommy and Nicky time
*Write and finish a novel
*Record a song in an actual studio

And I'm bound to add more as the year goes on. Wish me luck, because I am sending some to all of you as you struggle with your own resolutions, or as I like to call them, "lies we tell ourselves to make us feel better about all the bad crap we did the year before". BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop