I haven't had time to go purchase a guitar manual, so I purchased a fine app off iTunes called Guitar Basics for Dummies, and I'm going to tell you I learned quite a bit about guitar playing. In theory. In practice...well...let's just say I have a bit of work cut out for me. I think that with proper, uninterrupted (that means you, Nicky and Mom) practice I might be able to summit and conquer Guitar Mountain. Maybe.
I'm thinking that maybe a guitar is like a puppy. You have to get it to trust you and then assert your dominance. Well, I'm asserting myself right now. I'm the Alpha, bitch. I totally own you, guitar. Yes. I also decided that I should name said guitar, because that will make it a lot more interesting and meaningful when I get mad at it and insult its guitarhood. I named my guitar Bessie Washington. I think it fits my guitar very well.
Along with the proper guitar holding technique and learning to fret and becoming intimidated by the juxtaposition of major and minor signs and numbers and letters and chords, I've learned another important thing about myself: my fingers are little sissy bitches. Seriously. I can only play for a little while before my fingers get sore and I have to stop because I have the impressions on my fingertips from where the strings cut into my fingers. I need to figure out how to speed up the callus forming process.
I honestly can't wait to be able to play a song, and I feel like Bessie Washington and myself are about to embark on a hilarious musical journey of pain, anguish, joy, frustration, anger, and that inevitable Helen Keller aha moment where it'll all come together and I'll attain guitar enlightenment.
And the first real song I hope to play, after I get comfortable with everything? "Free Fallin'", John Mayer style. Go look up his version on YouTube and you'll be like "wow, that John Mayer is a douche, but lord can he play the guitar."