Rave On

My birthday was this past Saturday.  I am officially 26...and looking at what I just wrote, who the hell in their right mind would want to be unofficially 26?  Perhaps a crazy person...yes, only a crazy person would want to go from 25 (which we all know is a whole 'nother ballgame) and pretend to be 26.  The only way I would do it is if there was a large monetary compensation, or something equally awesome.

Like, I don't know, maybe this badass pegasus.

I'd consider it then.

But seriously, I'm 26.  Four more years to 30.  Ouch.  I suppose 26 is a grand achievement.  If I lived in the 1600s, like in Jamestown or whatever, I'd have like ten years left in my life before I died a horrible death from cholera or smallpox.  I'd have 54516561 kids by now, all named after virtues and kings and whatever, married to a guy named James Blacksmitherson and living in a leaky shack shittily constructed out of logs and mud and no windows.  I'd be all about sewing and hanging out with my equally fabulous friends, Rebecca and Prudence.  We'd have the best gray bonnets in the entire village.  The bitches would be jealous.

Oh yes.  They would be jealous.

But anyway.  Christmas is coming.  Tres exciting, no?  I am proud to announce that I finished my shopping for Nicky an entire week ahead of schedule.  I usually am rushing around on the 23rd, hating myself for waiting until the last minute.  This year, I finished on the 16th.  I think that warrants a high five...so I totally just gave myself one.  (I usually do this so that I am not left hanging, by well, myself.  Denying someone a high five is such an asshole move, and I am not an asshole.)  Perhaps this early shoppage is a part of turning 26?  Perhaps.

Or I just remembered to do it early this year. 

Tinker Toys

Real life conversation that just happened:

(Quick backstory: Nicky is telling me how old his cousins are and how he doesn't want to grow up.)

Me: Nicky, how old are you?
Nicky: I'm six.
Me: And how old am I?
Nicky: Um, probably around a thousand.
Me: What?!?!?
Nicky: Oh, I mean twenty-five.

I hope you all had a great Fourth of July!!!

Beautiful Dirty Rich

It's late, so I thought I'd share with you guys that today is November 17th. Why is this date important? It's the day I was supposed to be born, and one month away from my real birthday.

Yay!!!!

I will be 24. One year away from 25, which hails the beginning of my quarterlife crisis. That should be a fun installation in my blog.

And now it's time for bed, since I have to get up at the asscrack of dawn to take Nicky to school. More tomorrow!

XO

Paparazzi

(Note: There is no real point to today's post. I'm in a silly mood and started typing.)

I know I've said it before, but I think I'm pretty awesome.

Clarification. I know I am pretty awesome. Quite possibly the epitome of awesomeness. Who's gonna argue against that? (I'll karate chop you in the throat if you do. Be warned, friend.) I've lived a life chock full of awesomeness and kickass things. Being born, circa 1985. Selling my brother for a brief period of time in 1991. The Lashawn Fan Club, circa 1997. Taping toilet paper to my shoe in 8th grade and taking off down the hall. Falling down the stairs so many times at St. Joe's and making it look cool. Breaking Jesus and putting him back together with Sticky-Tac. Getting suspended six times in a Catholic high school. Taping a picture of MC Hammer on the back wall of my Honors English 11 class. Jumping over a box at Burger King and missing the other side and falling in the box, in front of a full restaurant of people. Walking like a really crappy drag queen when I wear high heels. Organizing a Miss America pageant in grade school and getting the boys in my class to do the "Here she is, Miss America" wave. Writing a play in 7th grade that we never performed but everyone was psyched about (the writing wasn't that awesome, but the concept was). Sitting on the floor in Honors English 12 when I really was supposed to sit in my chair.

You can't really plan or be taught these things, no. You just have to let them come to you, just let them happen. You have to be born with that kind of raw excellence.

I'm an iconoclast. I do awe inspiring things daily, whether it be saying something dazzlingly witty or making people roll their eyes or tripping over nothing or muttering to myself...I can always be counted on to jazz things up, to be the cilantro in the spice rack of life. I'm a one-woman production. I'm F-ing awesome, dude. You don't mess with that Nobel Prize winning formula. Nay. (Apparently, I'm also quite the Narcissist.)

I mean, I like to sit in my pajamas on a Friday night (when I'm broke, holla) and eat ice cream and watch Law and Order DVDs with my dad. Why? Because it's badass, that's why. No one who wasn't in touch with their awesomeness would dare admit to such a thing, but since I am the Chuck Norris of Awesomeness, I can and will admit to it. I'm secure in my awesomeness.

I'm scared of squirrels. How many people confident enough with their supreme coolness would reveal such a potentially embarrassing factoid to the world? (That particular fear is getting a bit out of control, actually. We'll address that later on, in another post.) How many people can say they had dreams about being best friends with David Beckham, called him Becks, and drank a most likely vile concoction of vodka and Gatorade? Not too many, I'm sure. How many people wrote wondrous little ditties about Erik the Red and his son, Leif Erikson? Exactly.

It takes a special person to carry the torch of insanity.

When The Stars Go Blue

I am blogging in my pajamas. Some could call me racy, although I doubt a pair of Victoria's Secret sweats and a Cleveland Cavs tee shirt could be called racy. Eh.

Sorry I've been away. Life has been hectic and chaotic, and I needed some time to sort out my mind and get back to the little bit of sanity I have. We can go into that later.

Hmmm...What is new? It snowed for the briefest moment on Friday, which sent me into a state of weather denial. Dude, it's October, and we haven't had a single day above 66 degrees. Where is my Indian summer? Where? It's been sunny and "warm" (meaning above 45) since yesterday, so maybe, just maybe there's a 70 degree day in my near future. I'm hoping it saves itself for Halloween. Nicky's going to be Optimus Prime (of Transformers fame), and he won't look cute with a bulky winter coat beneath his costume. I also bought my Lady GaGa costume over the weekend. I look like a fool in my GaGa wig, because I am naturally a brunette, and platinum blonde isn't too flattering on a chalky white brunette. I'm thinking some bronzer would work wonders. We'll see, but my costume is soooo kickass. I'm excited.

I was supposed to see Paranormal Activity this past weekend, but the tickets were sold out, so I settled on some tacos de papa at Mi Pueblo with Katherine instead. The tacos were definitely yummm. Nothing fixes missing a movie like Mexican cuisine.

I got a wisdom tooth pulled Wednesday. It didn't hurt too bad, just this annoying twinge every now and then. I think it's funny they call it pulling a tooth, when in my case they just pushed it out with this crazy metal shoehorn tooth thing. My dentist called it "liberating the tooth", like my tooth was an oppressed soul yearning to break free of its governmental chains. I have to get another one yanked in November--this one is impacted, so I have to have oral surgery. What a party that will be. I think after this is all said and done, I have earned myself a very yummy and very strong alcoholic beverage of some sort. I'm open to any suggestions.