Saturday, July 31, 2010

Dance In The Dark

I decided I'd make you guys a playlist since I haven't done one in ages.  Go ahead and give it a listen :)

The It's Saturday Night and I Am Drinking a Strawberry Banana Smoothie From McDonald's Instead of Out Drinking But I Have a Headache and Am Slightly Broke So I Am Here Making This Playlist Playlist:

"Paris (Ooh La La)", Grace Potter & The Nocturnals, (Grace Potter & The Nocturnals)

"Clap Your Hands", Sia, (We Are Born)

"Vanity", Lady Gaga, (The Fame Monster)

"Semi Precious Weapons", Semi Precious Weapons, (You Love You)

"Oh My God", Mark Ronson featuring Lily Allen, (Version)

"I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You", Black Kids, (Partie Traumatic)

"I Got Mine", The Black Keys, (Attack & Release)

"Polygraph, Right Now!", The Spill Canvas, (One Fell Swoop

"Sex On Fire", Kings of Leon, (Only By the Night)

"I'm Shakin'", Rooney, (Rooney)

Thursday, July 29, 2010

(There's Gotta Be) More to Life

Ever have the feeling that somehow drama just kind of gravitates towards you?  Ever feel like life is just an eternal kick in the pants? 

I really feel like walking up to whoever is in charge of the chaos that goes on in my life and demand a refund for a good part of the last 24.5 years.  Seriously.  I want my money back.

I am an eternal optimist, and I have to say that this shit is getting old.  So I am eschewing drama with a firm hand.  I am so tired of this lifelong struggle with the things that make me throw my hands up in the air and either A.) get pissed, B.) cry, or C.) get pissed and then cry.  So I am just saying a huge "fuck it" and letting all that shit go.  Let's address the biggest issues in my life:

My mom's family sucks, and I have always known that.  I am gonna have to give them their own post, I promise.  A family that impossibly fucked up and judgemental needs their own blog post.  Honestly.

Work...I don't know how much I can post about work without getting in trouble and/or fired.  So I'll just let out a huge GRRRRRRRRR and leave it at that.

Nicky's dad is a douche and I hate him and I hope he never runs into me while I am in the possession of any sharp objects.  At least child support is taking out some money, even though I got fucked out of how much he has to pay.  I'm going to be Zen and say that at least I'm getting more money than I was getting before child support started doing their job.

Boys are a waste of time and that's all I have to say on that subject. 

Thank you so much Nashe for being concerned about me in my shitty time of craptastic bullshit.  I'm glad you care :)

I really have to get this blogging shit back on track.  It's really cathartic to just write about my everyday struggles, moments of awesomeness, and being held back by the Man. 

Friday, July 9, 2010


We were all witnesses to the very end.  No words to describe the loss every Cavs fan in Cleveland is feeling right now.  Another kick to the gut for a city that can never seem to catch a break.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?  I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now..."--"Airplanes", B.O.B. with Hayley Williams

Clarity is a bitch.

Sorry.  I had a rough day.  I worked eleven hours, work was super busy, I got nothing done, and I am tired.  I found out that my friend with benefits (who I wrestle feelings for off and on) is maybe seeing someone.  Probably seeing someone.  And how did I find out?  Did he tell me?  No.  So how did I find out, you ask?  Oh...She got her car serviced at the dealership today.  And she called him right in front of me, and she sounded like they were more than just friends.  And he came up front and went outside with her, and just somehow that really sucked.

Like really, really sucked.  And it shouldn't have, but did.  And I was hurt for a moment, then it went away like nothing.  But I kept thinking about it.  And it bugged me.

Gah...why does life have to be so complicated?  I'm sort of hurt, a little pissed at myself because I shouldn't be hurt at all...He's not my boyfriend, but this is all so complicated.  We have been messing around, off and on, for two years and I started out liking him, he liked me...and then we started seeing each other and then life got all stupid and something just happened between us and now we are what we are.  And now I am where I am.  I am hurt and pissed at myself and just trying to evaluate things, because he's a good friend of mine and he's there when I want him to be, and I don't want to lose that.  And the sex is pretty good too.

Stupid sex.  Sex always ruins things.  And damn him and his stupid mixed messages and actions.  Damn me for falling for him and then trying to fall out of whatever this is with him.  Damn me for being an idiot.  Damn me for letting this get so far.  Damn this for getting all tangled up and complicated.  Damn me for letting this make me kind of sad.  Damndamndamndamndamndamndamn.

And why, oh why, do I freeze up at the thought of telling him how I feel?  Goddamn it.  I hate boys and I hate romance and the stupid complexities of it that I just can't seem to grasp.

So, I could really use a wish right now.  Or some good vodka.  Or a good trip away from my head.