Tuesday, July 14, 2009
"I operate from a place of delusion--that's what The Fame's all about. I used to walk down the street like I was a fucking star. I want people to walk around delusional about how great they can be--and then to fight so hard for it every day that the lie becomes the truth."--Lady Gaga
I have a deep, dark secret: I want to be famous. I want to be a F-ing star.
I'm an awesome singer--I sound a little like Kelly Clarkson--and my dream has always been to be a singer. I was going to try out for American Idol, but I'm not really big on getting discovered that way. I want to have to work for it, to have to save up my money for studio time, get rejected...all that stuff that makes you want it a little more.
And if I was famous? It's be F-ing fantastic, seriously. I want the glitter and the diamonds and the paparazzi in my face so that I can throw my Starbucks beverage at them, the whole nine yards. I want to wear Versace and have impossibly shiny, unfrizzed hair that looks like I spent a million dollars on it (because, duh, I did) and huge Chanel sunglasses and a Louis Vuitton purse...I want to drive a Porsche 911 Turbo in fire engine red, bumping to some crazy hip-hop and just be unbelievably fabulous.
And just because, I'd party like I was famous, rub elbows with Diddy and Gaga, but never, never become friends with Paris Hilton. That's just asking for a stint in rehab, in my opinion. I just want my public life to be like one huge debauched music video, as crazy as that sounds. I want to wear expensive lip gloss that doesn't make your mouth sticky and wear fake eyelashes without looking like a weirdo for wearing fake eyelashes in public. I want to always look fabulous when I go to the store to buy my ranch Doritos and Evian (when you're famous, Aquafina doesn't cut it anymore) and call people who I hated in my ordinary life and be like "ha, who's famous now??" and look super hot so that all the stupid boys from my life PF (Pre Fame) would be like "well I sure screwed up by not staying with her". I want a Lashawn Barbie, like freaking Hannah Montana and a Lashawn backpack. I want kids to sing my songs into a hairbrush in front of their mirrors in their rooms, I want kids to want to dress like me and look up to me and I want everyday people to be amazed by my glamorous exploits. I want to chuck normalacy out the window. I. Want. To. Be. The. Shit.
It would be, for lack of a better word, great.
And I want to write a novel and get it published. I want to write Young Adult books, because it's so much easier to write about the angst of teenagedom and I like reading YA books. I have another deep, dark secret: I read Twilight. And liked it. But I didn't see the movie, because most movies never do the book its due justice.
I'm currently into a writer named John Green. He wrote the YA novels Looking for Alaska (a great book, one of my new faves), An Abundance of Katherines, and Paper Towns. I love books--it's kind of like music, I can't really imagine life without books.
But even books bring me back to my addiction to fame. I want to make an indelible mark on the world, and if I do it through music or written word, it would be awesome. I always wanted to do something big, something that would make a considerable difference...If I don't become a singer, if I don't get a book published, I want to be a lawyer and do good that way.
And if that doesn't work out, I can make my indelible mark through my son: raise him right and he could change the world.