Saturday, August 1, 2009

See Fernando

What an amazing morning this is turning out to be.

To start things off, I have a pimple in my foreheadular region (we'll call him Fernando). Fernando started scoping out the neighborhood Wednesday and moved in some time during that night. I've tried everything to evict him from the epidermal premises, but he refuses to leave--I guess he's decided to squat for the time being.


Then, after trying to corral Fernando into some semblance of submission (say that three times fast), I tore down my street to catch Cleveland's shit-tastic public transportation. I'm near the end of my street when I hear a crazy screeching sound. I look up in confused alarm, and see the sandy body of a squirrel scurrying in a drunken sort of way over the branch of the tree above me. I sort of freaked out, seeing as I'm a bit afraid of squirrels, and quickly crept away.

After the near-attack from the cracked out squirrel, I made it uneventfully to the bus stop. I sat down and was about to listen to my iPod when I noted that something didn't smell quite right. I look all around me for the source of the funktacular smell, and when I peer under the bench (which I'm still sitting on), I see a huge pile of shit on the sidewalk. I jump up, very grossed out and a bit nauseated, and go out to the safety of the tree by the bus stop. I was mildly outraged and incredulous, because who craps on the sidewalk? Who does that? When did it become socially acceptable to crap in public?

Only in Cleveland, I swear.

And then the shenanigans continue to ensue on this warm and sunny Saturday.

My bus is running five minutes late, which is not cool because if I miss the connecting bus I'll have to walk to work from there. It's only a fifteen minute walk, but that's beside the point when the first bus is late and rolls up to my shit-tastic stop at 7:40 am and I have to be at work by 8. A bit of Jesus comes through for me though, hallelujah, and the connecting bus is late too, and I can run across this grassy field thing at the bus station to catch it.

I arrive at good old Ford, hoping that things will calm down from here. Oh, but no. Of course not. Fernando decides that he wants to see what's going on at the dealership, so I have to duck into the bathroom and layer on the concealer.

As of now, things have begun to quiet down, with the exception of the phones. I can deal with that, so here's to hoping for a sane end to this workday!


  1. i haven't seen squirrels in so long!!

  2. Darn Fernado!!
    Squirrels are fine, the black ones scare me!


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