Sort Of

I am attempting to go on a diet.

Why, you may ask? Oh, because I went to put on my favorite pair of jeans and had to do a pants dance because they got stuck halfway up my ass. I was in denial for a few days, until I decided that I need to get back into a routine with my running and Pilates and all that not-so-fun exercise crap.

I just need to find TIME. I think the whole Cash for Clunkers thing was when I gained weight--think about it. I'd wake up, eat, go to work, get home late, eat, then pass out by midnight. I was virtually drained. But now that Clunkers is over, I have more time for me, and I can try to get back into the swing of things.

Only it's not as easy as it sounds in my head. I tried some exercises last night and didn't feel the burn or anything. I was a tad discouraged, but I refuse to let the jeans win. They're actually in a crumpled pile in the same spot I threw them in disgust on Friday night. I know they're mocking me, the stuck up bastards that they are. It's my fault, though. I gave up drinking soda pop, but I didn't give up fast food, which is my downfall. I'd grab a double cheeseburger from McDonald's on the way to work or run next door to Baskin Robbins for a cup of ice cream or a milk shake. I feel like shaking my fist across the parking lot and screaming, "Damn you, Baskin Robbins! Damn you for having such delicious ice cream..."

I have always been curvy, even though I've always been on the small side. I love having curves, and my problem is that I don't realize how much weight I may or may not have put on until I go to put on an article of clothing that used to be either loose or tight and is no longer what it used to be. I'm not naturally athletic, but I have a fast metabolism...I think I only weigh around 138 pounds, but I'm only 5'1", which squeezes all that into a small frame. Damn me for being short. Damn Baskin Robbins and their delicious ice cream. Damn all the stupid girls in their skinny jeans. Damn my lack of dietary willpower. Damn, damn, damn.

I'm thinking about going for a run tonight when I get home. Just throw the iPod on and go. I'm pretty fit, just bad at throwing on the brakes when I'm eating.

Blahhhhhh.