Cat's In The Cradle

Merry Christmas to everyone!  I hope everyone had an excellent day :)

Nicky had the best Christmas ever, in his exact words.  He was especially excited about Mario Kart for his DSi and his Night at the Museum 2 DVD.  Night at the Museum 1 and 2 are two of his favorite movies, and so we watched the second one tonight.  He also got a few traditional little kid board games, Cootie (who hasn't played Cootie as a little one?), Ants in My Pants, and Monopoly Jr.  He is pretty good at Monopoly Jr., he beat me on his first try.  He even got confident enough to give me advice during the game on not using all my money to buy all the properties, haha.  That advice naturally turned into a six year old's version of gloating once I announced that I was out of money and he won.

I'm not exactly sure when Nicky grew up so much, but I really like being able to actually hang out with my son and understand him and get to know his personality and what he's like.  He's actually pretty funny and awesome...a lot like his mama :)

Rave On

My birthday was this past Saturday.  I am officially 26...and looking at what I just wrote, who the hell in their right mind would want to be unofficially 26?  Perhaps a crazy person...yes, only a crazy person would want to go from 25 (which we all know is a whole 'nother ballgame) and pretend to be 26.  The only way I would do it is if there was a large monetary compensation, or something equally awesome.

Like, I don't know, maybe this badass pegasus.

I'd consider it then.

But seriously, I'm 26.  Four more years to 30.  Ouch.  I suppose 26 is a grand achievement.  If I lived in the 1600s, like in Jamestown or whatever, I'd have like ten years left in my life before I died a horrible death from cholera or smallpox.  I'd have 54516561 kids by now, all named after virtues and kings and whatever, married to a guy named James Blacksmitherson and living in a leaky shack shittily constructed out of logs and mud and no windows.  I'd be all about sewing and hanging out with my equally fabulous friends, Rebecca and Prudence.  We'd have the best gray bonnets in the entire village.  The bitches would be jealous.

Oh yes.  They would be jealous.

But anyway.  Christmas is coming.  Tres exciting, no?  I am proud to announce that I finished my shopping for Nicky an entire week ahead of schedule.  I usually am rushing around on the 23rd, hating myself for waiting until the last minute.  This year, I finished on the 16th.  I think that warrants a high five...so I totally just gave myself one.  (I usually do this so that I am not left hanging, by well, myself.  Denying someone a high five is such an asshole move, and I am not an asshole.)  Perhaps this early shoppage is a part of turning 26?  Perhaps.

Or I just remembered to do it early this year. 

Tinker Toys

Real life conversation that just happened:

(Quick backstory: Nicky is telling me how old his cousins are and how he doesn't want to grow up.)

Me: Nicky, how old are you?
Nicky: I'm six.
Me: And how old am I?
Nicky: Um, probably around a thousand.
Me: What?!?!?
Nicky: Oh, I mean twenty-five.

I hope you all had a great Fourth of July!!!

People Watching

I am kind of cheating, so I'll give you a full entry later on today.  I was going through my videos on my computer a few minutes ago, and I found this delightful little gem that I'll share with you guys at the end of this post.  I think Nicky was about four or so, he might have been five already, this is from around this time last year.  I think it's pretty cute, so enjoy my adorable little bunny:

Short Skirt/Long Jacket

Awesome Real Life Moment #1546512:

"And btw I am currently sitting across from a crazy drunk guy on the bus, lol.  He's wearing badass old aviators and he's got crazy hair combed back greaser style and he's lounging in his seat with an Elvis kind of smirk on his drunk face.  Classic."

(Taken from a text I sent Sunday, March 13, 2011 @ 6:00 pm)

It's 2:22 am, and I should be in bed, but let's be honest.  I'm never in bed at 2:22 am unless I have to get up at the asscrack of dawn.  Mornings are like breakup sex--they should be avoided at all costs.  I loathe and detest mornings.  Sure, they're great in theory, I'll admit that, but in practice?  No.  I can live with waking up around noon.

But I digress.  I'm not really in a funny blogging mood this week.  To be honest, Japan and work has got me down.  I can't really blog about work because you never know who might be reading my blog, but I will say that this daily tension-headache-that-morphs-into-a-terrible-migraine shit needs to stop.  One can only pop so many Excedrin in a day without overdosing and foaming at the mouth at her desk.  I'm not a rockstar yet.  I think I might try yoga or something to relax.  I also need to make time for Bessie Washington.  I'm up all damn night but I can't exactly practice Bessie at 2:22 am or my mom and dad would kill me.

And Japan?  God, everything about this past week in Japan is depressing.  Makes me want to cry.  Seriously.  I hope that we have learned that when it comes to us versus nature, nature always inevitably wins.  Technology is a moot point when it comes to the raw strength of natural disaster.  I admire the people of Japan and their ability to mainain a quiet dignity in the face of this ever-growing chaos.  My thoughts and prayers go out to the entire nation and the families affected by this tragedy.

In other news, Nicky lost one of his front teeth yesterday.  I will share a picture:

He got one dollar from the Tooth Fairy for that.  I'm at work today and my mom calls me.  Nicky lost his other front tooth today when he got home from school.  I'll post a picture of that later on.  He looks adorable.  Score one more dollar for the Nickster from the Tooth Fairy.  If he keeps this tooth losing business up, he's going to bankrupt Mom...I mean, the Tooth Fairy.  Hahaha.

Meanwhile, Rick James...

(Nicky in his Nagys uniform during a tee ball game, June 2010)

So, tee ball sign-ups are this month, and I am in a bit of a philosophical pickle.

Nicky played tee ball last summer on the Nagys, and he loved the team and his coach, Mike.  I was a little unhappy with the way the team practiced, but I eventually warmed up to the idea that these were just four, five, and six year olds who were just learning the basics of the fine art of baseball.  They weren't learning to be the next A-Rod or Grady Sizemore.  They were learning to hit a ball off a tee and run to first base and not third.  I was more than psyched for this season, especially since I was keeping him on the Nagys and with Coach Mike.  Mike really had a way with the kids.  They loved him and they listened, and us parents loved him because he was patient and made practice fun.

All was well until February 10th.  Mike died suddenly of pneumonia.  It caught us all completely off guard.  He was only 30, and he didn't seem sickly or weak.  Nicky had never really been exposed to death before, and I was a little unsure as to how to tell him.  My mom and I sat him down and explained that Coach Mike had been very very sick and that he had died...I told him that he was coaching all the little angel kids in heaven.  He seemed to get it, and even now he's like "Mommy, Coach Mike is in heaven.  He died."  I was honestly surprised that a five year old could grasp the finality of death.  Part of me is still waiting for him to ask me where Mike is when the season starts.

The inevitable question of who is going to take over the coaching postition quickly takes the forefront.  Zach, Mike's nephew of indeterminable age (I think he's like 20 or 21, tops.) and even more indeterminable maturity offers to take Mike's place.  Zach was the one the kids would play with when they were supposed to be listening to Mike.  He was also completely useless when it came to getting the kids to calm down.  None of the kids took him seriously.  I thought he was a big goofball, very immature and nerdy, but not in the cool nerdy way.  He was more of the obnoxious and dumb nerdy way.  He got on my nerves.  I thought he was pretty harmless...Until he got all weird via Facebook messages when I was laid up in bed with severe tonsillitis last Thanksgiving.  He went from being concerned about me being unable to swallow to being a bit of a creeper that kept messaging me and getting weirder with each message.  I blocked him because I didn't need a puppy dog kind of kid hanging around me with a crush.  I know that sounds mean, and maybe it was, but I didn't want him to get the wrong message.  He was the assistant assistant coach of my son's tee ball team, not to mention he was kind of like a big kid himself.  No sir.

Honestly, I don't want Zach coaching my son.  He is not going to be able to control all those kids, and Nicky goes up to softball next summer (2012).  He needs to learn the basics from someone who is serious about being a coach.  I also, however, don't want to look like a gigantic bitch, especially since this kid took on the mantle of coach in lieu of his dead uncle.  I think I am going to transfer him to another team.  Nicky is okay with it--one of the perks, I guess, of being six and being resilliant.  Why the hell do I feel so bad about it when he's just like whatever?  I need to suck it up and be more like Nick.

Dirt Off Your Shoulder

Yesterday I took the plunge.

No, I didn't get married. I didn't even dive into the deep end of a pool (if I did such a thing I would probably die, since I just so happen to not know how to swim--I'm adding that to my list of bullshit broken promises...I mean "resolutions"). No...I started my diet/exercise/it's-not-a-diet-it's-a-life-plan debacle of 2011. I'm feeling pretty good so far, surprisingly. No debilitating muscle spasms or soreness. I'm known for being too overzealous and idiotic and not being able to walk for like three days after I do lunges. I'm kinda thinking I might be able to stick to it longer than two weeks, which would be the stuff of legends. I expect an epic ballad of medieval proportions...kinda like Beowulf, but minus the slaying of Grendel and hanging with guys named Hrothgar. Although it'd be kind of cool to be friends with a guy named Hrothgar.

I took my obligatory Jennie Craig style "Before" pictures, and um...all I can say is WOW. Nothing puts your debauchery and love of cake and superfluous gourmet grilled cheese in perspective like four simple shots of front, back, ass, and side. I immediately regretted my bacchanal at Olive Garden the night before. I think I found out where all that pasta goodness went after all: right to the cellulite that decided to unpack itself on the backs of my thighs. Sweeeet.

I'm hoping to lose twentyish pounds by the end of May or mid-June. Baby steps. I think I'd like to run in a half-marathon in the Fall, though I'd have to train and bribe my legs not to mutiny and fall off.

Besides, I think I should be in prime shape for my never-ending adventures and constant shenanigans with Nicky. Who needs Jillian Michaels when you have an impatient and seemingly eternally hyper five year old boy? I'm destined for greatness. Wish me luck :)

Like a G6

Happy New Year my wonderful beautiful fabulous readers!!! I hope 2011 brings you joy and brings you closer to fulfilling your wildest dreams.

I can't believe how quickly 2010 went by. I must say that it was a good year, and if it were wine it'd have been sweet, with floral notes and hints of sparkling citrus. I'd buy a bottle of L. Diddy wine circa 2010.

I've taken to calling myself L. Diddy. I think it's catchy and sounds good when I talk about myself in the third person, which I do a lot more now since I have a cool nickname for myself. I made a list of obligatory resolutions, which I hope to try to keep.

Let's do this.

L. Diddy's List of Obligatory New Years Resolutions, 2011 Edition

*Lose 10-20 pounds
*Embrace exercise (and not the bomb)
*Get more sleep
*Go to bed before 3 am...let's aim for 11 pm
*Make more time for Mommy and Nicky time
*Write and finish a novel
*Record a song in an actual studio

And I'm bound to add more as the year goes on. Wish me luck, because I am sending some to all of you as you struggle with your own resolutions, or as I like to call them, "lies we tell ourselves to make us feel better about all the bad crap we did the year before".

Boys Boys Boys

Nicky.  Is.  Driving.  Me.  Insane.

Oh, the joys of motherhood. 

He "graduated" from Head Start today and is officially a Kindergartner.  He starts in August. 

He is, however, currently being the biggest pain in my ass.  He discovered that scissors can be used for more than cutting just paper, and has currently cut a hole in his shirt, a huge chunk out of my dad's recliner, and cut wires to one of my brother's electronic devices, among other things, I'm sure.  He also decided that he doesn't have to listen to me, which is the latest on the long list of things that he has discovered infuriates me.  I, on the other hand, have discovered that patience is overrated.

Perhaps I might look into yoga. 

Do I

I came.

I sang.

I rocked the mic, made the karaoke stage my bitch.

That is all for tonight. It's 1:30 am and I promise to write more tomorrow when I don't have to keep chasing Nicky back into bed. XO, my darlings.

Hey, Soul Sister

Hey my lovelies! Yesterday (Tuesday--yes, I know it's after 1 am, but in my bubble of Lashawn it is still technically Wednesday until I fall asleep and wake up at a later unspecified point in the morning. It's not Thursday in my mind.) was Nicky's birthday! He had a great time and is enjoying his presents--unbelievably, the rocketship never came up. He was more interested in his Thomas the Tank Engine trains. We watched his Max and Ruby DVDs, and I was informed by Encyclopedia Nick that Max and Ruby's parents were eaten by a dragon. My son is hilarious.

I should be writing my rough draft for my Honors English class on visual rhetoric, but I'm stuck, and one can only rant so much about Sarah Palin until the words mean nothing. It's due tomorrow night, and I have one long paragraph. I can work on it in the morning. Procrastination is a seductive wench, it really is. I gave up procrasinating for Lent, wish me luck.

In other news, I am singing at the "Solon Idol" in some little bar/club thing called the Blue Fig, in Solon, which is some itty bitty city out in the boondocks. I know of Solon only because you had to cut through there to get to Geauga Lake (an amusement park), which was in Aurora. I'm a big city girl--I mix up everything that isn't in Cleveland or immediately outside of it. I haven't sang on a stage in six years, and I get stage fright. I'm an awesome singer, but I'm nervous. Wish me luck!

Here is my Wednesday Late Night Playlist. Enjoy!

"I Still Ain't Over You", Augustana, (Can't Love, Can't Hurt)

"Sleep", Azure Ray, (Azure Ray)

"Taylor", Jack Johnson, (On & On)

"Speechless", Lady Gaga, (The Fame Monster)

"Uprising", Muse, (The Resistance)

"More Than This", Missy Higgins, (Steer & More-EP)

"Dying Day", Brandi Carlile, (Give Up the Ghost)

"I'm On Fire", John Mayer, (Battle Studies)

"Lifeboats", Snow Patrol, (A Hundred Million Suns)

"Know Your Onion!", The Shins, (Oh, Inverted World)

"Human of the Year", Regina Spektor, (Far)

"Gravity Rides Everything", Lenka, (Gravity Rides Everything-Single)

Untitled 1

Hmm. It's been a while, eh?

Not too much has gone down. I registered Nicky for Head Start. I fell up the stairs and bruised my leg up pretty good. I got locked in after closing at work. I bought a badass Michael Jackson tee shirt.

I've decided that I am indeed pretty awesome. I'd like to make or buy a tee shirt that reaffirms that sentiment. I have not drank soda in like three months, which is pretty damn impressive. I'd like to say that I rock.

I have a touch of writer's block, which may or may not be due to the fact that nothing funny has really happened this week. I'm going to a MMA (mixed martial arts) fight tomorrow night, which should inspire a humorous post in the upcoming days. Just think about it, okay? Angry, sweaty guys in a cage. Fighting. In a cage. There's humor written all over it.

Til then, as always...XO

Live Your Life

In my ripe old age of 23 and a half, I have learned some very important life lessons. I will share a few with you, in hopes that you too will reach self-enlightenment.

Lashawn's Life Lessons:

*Wearing white pants is usually a love/hate situation. I have found that while I love white pants and how cool and summery they look, they are well, duh, white, and entail practicing a great deal of caution when one is wearing them. I usually just drink water all day and eat after I change out of them.

*When a guy in a minivan honks at you, don't take it as a compliment. Odds are that while he is a father, he probably has a plurality of children. Don't go there. One is okay, two is a maybe, but more than that...he needs a nanny, not a booty call.

*When you get into a "friends with benefits" kind of situation, one of you is not going to want to remain "just friends". Trust me. Sex has a tendency to blur the lines between love and friends. It usually ends badly.

*Eating that extra french fry is worth it. You can worry about the fat on your hips later (and I've learned that curves are a lot sexier than being able to see your hip bones).

*Be aware that when you wear a push-up bra and a low-necked top that when guys are talking to you or looking at you, they are not talking to/looking at your face. Unless you are flat-chested or they are gay.

*Although you may think that history is cool and you're undoubtably excited about going to Colonial Williamsburg, please note that most people are not going to know what you're talking about, nor will they think it is cool and exciting.

*Chocolate may not mend a broken heart, but it can soothe it a bit. And chocolate tastes good.

*Children are good at making you feel better, even if they don't know what's wrong. A hug from Nicky can fix anything.

*Even if you don't know what you're doing, being confident makes all the difference. Self-assurance is a powerful thing.

*Whoever invented lip gloss is a freaking genius.

Hang On Little Tomato

Hmmm.

It's cloudy outside, which means rain. Blahhhh. It's muggy and sticky and my hair is threatening anarchy...I had to wrangle it up into a ponytail. You gotta show your hair who's boss or else they'll run all over you.

I'm bored. I should be working but I'm bored...there's a rogue fly in my office again, just flying around and being gross. I freaking hate flies. They make me sick (figuratively, not literally), with all their landing on poop and then my food. Yuck.

What to write about today???? Hmmm...

I could write about my son, since I've barely talked about him...Nicky (Nicholas Christopher) is four years old and probably my bestest friend in the entire world. I had him when I was 19, and we're super close, since his idiot dad ran off when I was 20 and Nicky was 10 months old.

We are more like friends right now, rather than just simply mommy and son. We like to watch movies and read books (his favorite book right now is Green Eggs and Ham), and he's as funny as I am, which is always awesome. How horrible would it be to have a serious child? It'd be terrible!

It's becoming ominously dark outside...If it storms, the dealership's going to get struck by lightning. It happens every time there's a bad storm--the power goes out for like thirty seconds and then the emergency generator kicks in.

I'm hungry! I have some peanut butter and crackers but I really want a cheeseburger or some fried ravioli. Stupid diet...I worked out yesterday and am achy today, but in that good kind of achy where you like feeling the pain--maybe I'm just a Sadist. I'm trying to lose like ten pounds and get down to 126, but I love chocolate milkshakes and cake just a little too much...it also doesn't help that Baskin Robbins is next door to the dealership. I need stronger willpower. I need that guy (Dr. Bob?) who helps Oprah get her diet on. I need Dr. Phil. I need that mean chick from The Biggest Loser (Jillian Richards).

Exciting foodie news: I'm going to Melt, which is this panultimate mecca of grilled cheese sandwiches, on Friday. I heard the sandwiches are huge, but I love grilled cheese, so...I'll keep you all posted. Should be yummy and all around delish.

Thanks again for all the feedback! I'd love to hear what topics you all think I should write about (my favorite thing to do is rant about some inane topic), and how I can improve this little slice of heaven I've got here. I'm thinking about ranting about leg warmers and bees tomorrow, but we'll see what direction my mind wanders into tomorrow...XO!